high people should be assigned attendants
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
