It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
