I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just pee around me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize