How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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