She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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