I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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