I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize