some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
