the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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