you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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