there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
