This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
