dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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