sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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