nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize