I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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