Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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