You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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