Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
