there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
