i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Randomize
