I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
