She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
