She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
