the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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