life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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