Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
