Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
