i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
