Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
