my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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