she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
