he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
