White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
