i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
