Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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