Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
