don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
