If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
