my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
