I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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