you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I need water and some morals
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
