I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
