I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
