I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
