I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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