i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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