Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
