whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
