u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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