how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize