He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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