Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends

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  (908): I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends http://tfl.nu/6cx1
  Replies (68) Good night (1471) Bad night (6553)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai

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  (317): Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta. (1-317): Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai http://tfl.nu/sch5
  Replies (5) Good night (687) Bad night (2473)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cherish every text you send me

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  (410): I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland (412): I cherish every text you send me http://tfl.nu/05mc
  Replies (49) Good night (6293) Bad night (835)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.

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  (865): Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all. http://tfl.nu/2gc2
  Replies (10) Good night (802) Bad night (3211)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.

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  (405): You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up. http://tfl.nu/06n7
  Replies (8) Good night (3660) Bad night (1171)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.

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  (614): Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel. http://tfl.nu/hpfu
  Replies (6) Good night (2371) Bad night (679)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one

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  (847): Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one http://tfl.nu/3ht8
  Replies (13) Good night (544) Bad night (1902)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.

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  (612): Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all. http://tfl.nu/jmi7
  Replies (1) Good night (851) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man

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  (404): He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man http://tfl.nu/p704
  Replies (14) Good night (1866) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.

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  (616): this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it. http://tfl.nu/xeu6
  Replies (4) Good night (1031) Bad night (395)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.

  (1-506): View more from New Brunswick

  Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.

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  (505): She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once. (1-506): Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring. http://tfl.nu/s5ra
  Replies (7) Good night (2230) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.

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  (570): Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends. http://tfl.nu/utpt
  Replies (5) Good night (430) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.

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  (704): Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls. http://tfl.nu/ygpr
  Replies (1) Good night (490) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that

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  (920): I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that http://tfl.nu/dske
  Replies (1) Good night (349) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend

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  (248): Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend http://tfl.nu/qb9e
  Replies (0) Good night (388) Bad night (178)

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