Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.

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  (313): I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines. http://tfl.nu/hfn6
  Replies (3) Good night (1412) Bad night (1803)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

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  (813): This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along. http://tfl.nu/9dyn
  Replies (22) Good night (4725) Bad night (736)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...

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  (202): if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess... http://tfl.nu/v82v
  Replies (10) Good night (1356) Bad night (2884)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom

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  (613): Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom http://tfl.nu/tl5f
  Replies (13) Good night (1010) Bad night (5168)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him

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  (303): mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him http://tfl.nu/uw49
  Replies (7) Good night (4648) Bad night (1083)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.

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  (602): Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world. http://tfl.nu/6f3f
  Replies (53) Good night (1489) Bad night (8266)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong

  (813): View more from Florida

  Thats admirable.

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  (719): he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong (813): Thats admirable. http://tfl.nu/7e4g
  Replies (7) Good night (1493) Bad night (774)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...

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  (225): Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down... http://tfl.nu/qxa1
  Replies (2) Good night (475) Bad night (684)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.

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  (920): I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it. http://tfl.nu/sqkc
  Replies (2) Good night (867) Bad night (310)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts

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  (704): Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts http://tfl.nu/1f7h
  Replies (8) Good night (612) Bad night (336)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.

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  (256): Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list. http://tfl.nu/u42n
  Replies (0) Good night (535) Bad night (450)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.

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  (217): I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five. http://tfl.nu/ev47
  Replies (4) Good night (649) Bad night (302)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us

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  (404): I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us http://tfl.nu/m7ov
  Replies (0) Good night (502) Bad night (288)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.

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  (506): Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM. http://tfl.nu/j72x
  Replies (2) Good night (350) Bad night (406)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?

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  (763): Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows? http://tfl.nu/olyh
  Replies (1) Good night (386) Bad night (203)

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