Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Kiss

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Puke

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  (313): Kiss (1-313): Puke http://tfl.nu/qokk
  Replies (6) Good night (1018) Bad night (1940)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol

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  (603): i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol http://tfl.nu/nbdg
  Replies (28) Good night (5938) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.

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  (651): The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off. http://tfl.nu/d6pj
  Replies (188) Good night (723) Bad night (4710)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers

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  (757): my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers http://tfl.nu/1x7e
  Replies (24) Good night (724) Bad night (5562)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  so let's talk penis.

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  (951): so let's talk penis. http://tfl.nu/oygv
  Replies (16) Good night (4511) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?

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  (914): you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig? http://tfl.nu/9ypp
  Replies (12) Good night (3248) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.

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  (267): I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe. http://tfl.nu/k42a
  Replies (5) Good night (2619) Bad night (1324)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.

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  (347): I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time. http://tfl.nu/7l8h
  Replies (3) Good night (846) Bad night (2040)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.

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  (319): I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/0zto
  Replies (16) Good night (963) Bad night (2288)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.

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  (337): The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe. http://tfl.nu/7igq
  Replies (11) Good night (2948) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid

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  (+44): The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid http://tfl.nu/ks5z
  Replies (4) Good night (2255) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.

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  (901): I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off. http://tfl.nu/oaek
  Replies (6) Good night (1387) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I think that's mostly how we became friends.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.

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  (817): I think that's mostly how we became friends. (1-817): Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me. http://tfl.nu/n6nc
  Replies (9) Good night (1776) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.

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  (716): I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender. http://tfl.nu/johq
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (239)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm Batman.

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  (614): I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls. (614): I'm Batman. http://tfl.nu/j50i
  Replies (3) Good night (457) Bad night (411)

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