i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.