thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
NoShamevember. You game?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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