twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
