You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
