If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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