k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I smell stomach acid.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
