Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
