If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
